Well let me set the mood… I have some seafood salad and a cocktail I have brewed up. I even lit some sage and now that I mentioned it, I should go smudge so more. Apparently word press is down when I want to pour out my blogging thoughts. The gospel song “Let Go” by Dewayne Woods is playing and it is so befitting of my mood.
I have been going crazy trying to figure out what my last blogs of 2018 shall be. But I think I am just going to let go and blog. With the holiday seasons upon us all I have been in a slump. I can’t wait for the new year because 2018 suddenly became very aggravating like that darn Felicia.I have been feeling indifferent lately and I don’t necessarily know why.
I woke up this morning with three pimples and yesterday I had breakouts in an area I never have them. Weird headaches and weird moods. Like who am I? Is it the holidays?? I am single … well partially.
I have a decent relationship with my ex, but we aren’t together if that makes sense. We ended things after valentine’s day and tried to rekindle things several times. An to be honest I knew we was too different and for me the relationship got stale. But he is actively apart of my life and my small support system. I have attempted a few flings after him and it was a NO for me.
I even tried to start something up with my ex who I hadn’t seen in a year. He is everything I shouldn’t want or need. But for some reason me and him just have a crazy connection. But he doesn’t communicate at all. He thinks commenting under a status is good enough to keep a relationship going.
An I do not trust him!! I tried but he is always seeming so suspicious to me. So, I guess that makes ME single for the holidays. Which is fine I guess… My biggest qualms are missing those that have passed away around this time. It always breaks me knowing that they died during this time and they aren’t here physically.
But lately I have been yearning to start my own family. I am shocked at that conclusion because I never wanted kids. I like other people kids but never liked them enough for me. A course I want to have kids with my potential HUSBAND but sometimes I think that will never happen. I mean I know I am attractive, but I always attract those that just isn’t the ONE.
So maybe I just want my soulmate to hurry along because I am tired of waiting. Maybe I should pull a page out of Maya Angelou book and choose a potential father figure for my unborn knowing we are not in a relationship. Relationships aren’t realistic much to me these days. I have exes tell me I expect my relationship to be like the type from movies. Which makes me feel like I want to much or maybe not enough. I do realize the men in my life just aren’t it so does that mean I date the opposite in 2019?
With how 2018 is ending I can’t help but be excited for the new year and the possibilities. I am so focus on my career and switching things up and starting new adventures. So, I will apply for the jobs that I may not be qualified for on paper. I literally have grown so much this year and I have some thanks to give to this blog. I feel like this blog has offered a freedom in my life I didn’t have before.
My intent for this blog has changed drastically as well so I will be implementing those changes as well.It’s funny I posted this quote on my twitter basically saying once you get what you want you will realize why the wait was necessarily. I keep playing that in my head over and over reminding myself. Felicia needs to hurry and leave and let 2019 come to pass. I have such high hopes for 2019, for me it will be definitely BE the year of transition.